Hey, I Got an Email from The President...
(He likes me. He really likes me...)
Because of you, I'll be taking the oath of office again on January 21st.
(Well, I, um, didn't exactly vote for... well, OK. You're welcome.)
I'd like you to be part of this historic moment -- whether that's in Washington, D.C., or wherever you call home.
(Ooooh, the 21st? I kind of have other plans. I've scheduled my cat for a bath that day.)
As we make plans, we want to make sure the people who made this inauguration possible are the first to know what's happening.
(Sure, OK. But, you really are giving me too much credit.)
Add your name here to take part in inaugural activities
(Sorry, you know, unless your inaugural activities include cat bathing.)
I'm honored each and every day to be your president, and I will never forget how I got here.
(Neither will I: Pandering, class warfare, character assassination, exploiting victim group grievances... etc.)
I'm so grateful for everything you've done.
(Shucks. I just call 'em like I see 'em)
Let's also remember why we're here: we've got more work to do. And we're going to begin this next chapter in the American story together.
(Start the story without me. Shooty Spencer just killed another bird and has blood all over him.)
(But no thanks)
(P.S. Is there anyway I can get off your email list?)