My Pre-Thanksgiving Vacation
THURSDAY 7 A.M.: Go through airport security at PHL. It's thrilless. I was determined to Opt Out of the full body scan in favor of one of the TSA new full body massages. But there was no scanning machines at B terminal, just an old fashioned metal detectors. The TSA agents seemed to be extra nice, saying good morning to everybody. Smart move, after all the flak they've been getting recently aggressively patting down 80-year-old ladies and 3-year-old children. I can't Opt In to a pat down, let alone Opt Out. Maybe I'll have better luck on the way home.
10:30 a.m. Arrive Vegas.
11:00 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. gamble.
4:45 p.m. to 6:30 p.m. watch "Get Low" with my friend, Sam. Good acting. Bad script.
7:00 p.m. 8:30 p.m. dinner.
8:45 p.m. Gambling.
Jayson Werth shows up at our table. He holds up a $25,000 brown chip. "I found this on the floor," he says.
I check my pockets. "It's mine," I say. "I just dropped it." He says, "I found it over there." I say, "It rolled." The dice are cold but Jayson like to play the High Horn coming out. I hit him two 12s and he's flush. He leaves after about 40 minutes with more money than he showed up with.
10 p.m. to 3 a.m. More gambling.
FRIDAY 8 a.m. - 4 a.m Saturday - Golf, gambling, dinner, more gambling.
SATURDAY 9 a.m - 1 a.m. Sunday - Golf, gambling, watch the film "Machete" with Sam. It's surprisingly entertaining. Robert DeNiro plays a racist, anti-immigrant Texas politician, a Mexican character actor plays Machete, a Mexican federale, whose good with a blade and cuts a lot of drug dealers' heads off. He gets ensnared in a plot to assassinate DeNiro, but its all a big conspiracy to build a border fence that will somehow help Mexican drug lord, Steven Segal, and DeNiro with their careers. Lindsay Lohan gets naked. Dinner, gambling.
SUNDAY 7:30 a.m. to 7:45 - Ride to airport. Cab driver is a from Kansas, a construction worker. Drives a cab now. "Harry Reid says we need them Mexicans. We don't need them Mexicans. There ain't a job they'll do an American won't do." But Harry's better than that dummy of a woman who ran against him. "She blamed the media for all the dumb things she said so she stopped talking to 'em the last week of the campaign." At least Harry will keep bringing back the bacon.
8 a.m. Go through McCarron Airport security. The body scanners are there but not on duty. The short fat lady in front of me keeps setting off the metal detector. Three times, they send her back to go through again. The TSA agent hangs his head. Finally, she lifts up her pant leg and takes off her knee brace. D'oh! She makes it through on her fourth try. I glide through. But the old man with the fat lady in front of me gets pulled over for a pat down. It's conducted by a gray-haired guy who probably only a couple years younger. Two old codgers having to play their embarrassing parts in Security Theater 2010.
Three nights in Vegas, feels like a week. It's good to be home.